I Am Not Happy

Time to take off the mask, and be real. I'm not happy. Yes, this is a military wife vent post, so if you are insensitive please go on with your life. I'm hoping blogging will help me feel better, but I'm not sure it will.

I am soo stressed out. I just don't think anyone but my husband understands. I just don't know where to begin. These past 3 years of sea duty has kicked.my.butt in many different ways. We thought after those 3 years, Cody would go to shore duty for 3 years, and I used that to get me through the past 3 years. Until last December, or so. We faced reality, and the decision to pick orders to either Japan, Australia, or England. There were no out tours in the states available.

After being away from Jacksonville for 6 years, I was really looking forward to coming back home, if not that, than going to somewhere like Ga. I have been homesick. I feel like I have missed so much. I never wanted to leave Jacksonville in the first place. But, you fall in love and..well, you know the rest of the story. So you can imagine my excitement for going overseas.

The choice between the 3, was simple...England. I have always wanted to go there. Not necessarily to live, but to visit. Nothing against England, I just miss home. I miss being close to family.

One of the hardest things I've had to do was give up our dog of 6 years. I get emotional just thinking about it. Yes, we are blessed enough to have a family member take care of her for us, but for 3 years? She's going to be old when we come back. And the void that is here without her is hard to bare. When I look at houses in England, and I see a big open yard..I get so sad. When I look at that, I want to imagine my kids and my Pebbles playing together. We are all a family. I am heartbroken.

This is just one of the many sacrifices.

The closer we get to our move, the more emotional I am. I am dealing with a lot as far as this transfer goes. And I'm doing it alone. I'm doing it while dealing with the stresses of a deployment. One in which they have changed his come home date 3 times now. They change it right when the time gets close. The countdown gets close to him coming home, and then BAM, they change it again.

I am emotionally spent.

There is so much more to this story, but it would be a novel and I really don't want to put everything out there. I'm trying to keep it short.

I'm just not happy.